PERFECT MANAGEMENT OF CONFLICTING SOULS……the essence of life.

Debates whether in the classroom or on popular TV shows have always been my favourite. The war of words by the participants and the anchor is a wonderful lesson in human behavior and communication. If we look around we would find each one of us constantly exhibiting a similar behavior with ourselves and with others. I often wonder how the world would be if people did not have arguments, difference of opinions or ego clashes with each other. It indeed would be a dull and insipid world with silence all around. This silence will not result in peace but will result in turmoil in individuals and between individuals. No human being would like to live in such a world. So, where do we enjoy living??? We human beings enjoy a world of communication and clashes. We cherish the peace that comes after a storm within our own selves or with people with whom we are interacting.

In ancient times as depicted in the different mythologies of the world, the major conflict was to establish good over evil. An analysis of these conflicts has greatly helped us to differentiate between moral and immoral behavior. The beginning of the 20^th century till the middle of the century conflict for supremacy had been the highlight. Once most countries across the world became free and world wars ended people realized the importance of communication and cooperation. World peace became very significant. Development of nations and encouragement of innovations in every field was focused on. We witnessed a technological revolution which is at par with the revolution brought in by the invention of the wheel. But, the increased use of technology has led us to a new conflict with ourselves and others. Parents are worried over the gaming and computer use by their children, spouses tear at each other’s hair due to the intrusion of mobile in their lives. A point of conflict in most homes is the television and the control over the remote. The joke of the century is technology was supposed to help us in saving time.  We have chosen to be victims of technology, so, we find ourselves experiencing various conflicts due to our inability to manage ourselves. Friends, Priortizing and Deciding can help us overcome such conflicts. If each one of us introspect and decide not to be victims of technology but to be masters of the same, many intra-personal and inter-personal problems can be resolved.

 Each one of us fight a battle within ourselves on numerous issues. When a person’s professional and personal life is in imbalance he experiences a role conflict and suffers from severe guilt about the same. A lady who restarts her career after a maternity break and leaves her children under the care of a trusted caretaker also suffers from guilt feelings. She experiences guilt even if she stays home to take care of her children.  In both the cases there is just one simple solution…. PRIORITIZE and DECIDE. Both these words are very powerful because if we can decide our priorities and be firm on it our life would be blissful and stressfree. Most of us are not very capable in this balancing act so we silently experience a conflict in our mind and lead a stressful life. Introspection and a determination to decide priorities and stand by it helps one in overcoming such conflicts. Believe me its not at all difficult.

Ego is a very positive trait among individuals but when this ego takes the form of pride and comes in the way of relationships and hampers any kind of growth then, the situation becomes destructive and calls for immediate action. One of the places where I was employed, I had to report to two power hungry bosses who were at loggerheads with each other. In a workplace environment every employee must respect each other which is a necessity for team work. If any two persons in powerful positions begin practicing the principle of “I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK” with each other it not only hampers the respect that others have for them but also becomes a major hindrance to the organizational growth. Both of them must start making an attempt to practice “I AM OK YOU ARE OK” philosophy to contribute as a team.

In any organization when there is an inter- personal conflict among people in power it gradually leads to inter- group conflict. This makes the organizational climate very unhealthy and people become very stressful. Until the two parties understand the need for a WIN-WIN situation the problem cannot be resolved. Everyone involved must understand and realize that this is not only going to result in the growth of the organizational but would contribute more to their individual growth.

Conflict prevails where communication is present. But, why do inter- personal conflicts arise??? Conflicts arise due to multiple reasons.  The prime source of conflict is poor communication and lack of trust. Inappropriate choice of words and tone of voice is the prime reason for inter- personal conflicts. But, the people who trigger us are our best teachers. These people bring out our vulnerabilities and insecurities and help us in self discovery. The secret of inter- personal conflict lies not in avoiding life’s inevitable frustrations and upsets but in learning to recover from them. The faster the recovery, the greater a person’s capacity for joyfulness. Conflicts help in keeping the mind charged and active. Stephen Covey says, “ seek first to understand and then to be understood. This is the key principle to effective inter- personal communication.” Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent reality. Most results one wants depend on cooperation between two individuals with a win-win attitude. A win- lose mentality is dysfunctional to any relationship.

 Management of conflict cannot be taught but needs to be cultivated and practiced. In my opinion conflict must be encouraged because conflict help in introspection and self discovery. It helps in developing empathy and reaching out to others. The mantra for conflict management is open communication and convincing the other person or ourselves about any issue. When we compromise in any situation the heat of the conflict is temporarily dozed only to erupt like a volcano in another situation. This can prove to be fatal for any relationship. One must never sleep over a conflict or adopt the policy of forgetting it. It only makes matters worse. An understanding of Eric Berne’s book “Games People Play” enriches our understanding of self and inter- personal relationships. In this book he introduces us to the concept of ego states and transactional analysis which when understood and practiced can transform our lives and our relationships. Social awareness and relationship management are the key concepts to handle inter- personal disturbances and in turn manage our own conflicting soul to enjoy our life with lot of zest.