Kintsugi

At a dinner with college classmates after 2 decades, we began recollecting college days and other classmates. Discussion began about one such classmate with whom I have a broken relationship, the only relationship that broke and inspite of several attempts to repair it then, could never be done. Funnily the reason for the crack was a third person. Maybe my attempt was not mature enough, maybe she was immature. This morning I have a keen desire to restore that broken relationship and as soon as I post this writing I am going to call her and chat. 

Today, I strongly believe that there are many relationships which after being repaired has more strength and beauty to it, just like KINTSUGI art of Japan. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. From a philosophical perspective this treatment signifies the breakage and repair as part of the history of the object, something to be reminded of than something to hide.

Similarly, friction in any relationship is natural. When there is a disagreement or difference of opinion, it is best to engage in STORMING technique where both openly voice every reason for disagreement and help each other understand better. This will definitely give chance to the other person to mend their behaviour and start thinking about each other positively. This enriches the relationship when handled in a mature manner. Where relationship between family members or between business associates, or between employer and employee or between colleagues and friends is at the crossroads better to remember the Kintsugi philosophy. Better to mend the relationship beautifully and accept differences than in going in different directions never to come together again. People can part and disconnect but not with ill feelings for each other.

Money being reason for breaking of relationships is in my opinion the worst reason. Strong relationships between siblings, between friends or between business partners must never be broken due to monetary issues. It is important that in any relationship if monetary issues are going to be involved it is clearly defined and understood by both parties. For example if friends are going on a trip together decision about how expenses will be accounted for should be decided while planning the trip, business partners must very clearly document in writing about how finances will be dealt with, if friends borrow from each other it is best to clearly discuss repayment expectations. Such clarity will increase the longevity of any relationship. But, definitely one must try their level best never to make money the cause of breakage of any relationship. 

Enjoy all your Kintsugi relationships with pride as I make my call to my dear classmate. 

Please share your thoughts, I love reading them as it makes me feel we are having a conversation.