Sakha-Sakhi

When one googles friendship examples from the Mahabharatha the top answers are that of Karna and Duryodhana, Duryodhana and Ashwathama, Drona and Drupad, Krishna and Arjuna. Rarely there is reference of Draupadi and Krishna. But, in my opinion the friendship between Draupadi and Krishna is such a beautiful bond that it should be top on the list.

The friendship between Duryodhana and Karna or Ashwathama cannot be considered as friendship at all because, it had only the greed and authoritative trait of Duryodhana as the base of the relationship. He fooled both these people by showing false generosity but at the core was his selfishness  and he 'used' both these people to try to fulfil his ambition. Drona and Drupad did not melt their differences till the end and friends can never be angry at each other for so long and pride is an emotion that has no place between friends. The relationship between Krishna and Arjuna was more of a mentor and mentee and less of friends. I shall write about that bond another day.

The bond between Krishna and Draupadi is so beautifully portrayed in the Mahabharatha. Draupadi had the best 5 men in the world as her husbands yet, it was Krishna who protected her at the time of need. Throughout the Mahabharatha she kept having conversations with Krishna on every confusion that crept her mind, argued with him till she was not convinced. Krishna had to time and again give her the confidence that the war was necessary to get rid of evil people of the society and establish a better world. Whenever Draupadi felt guilty that she was the cause for the war Krishna reassured her that she is the cause for establishing a safer society and is protecting the other women of the society from an unjust king. Both addressed each other as Sakha and Sakhi meaning close friend. Such is the beauty of their friendship and none of the five husbands ever doubted the beauty of their pure relationship. Draupadi's friendship with Krishna helped her to remain stable and strong as she unburdened her fears, insecurity and emotional turmoil to him and always got more clarity in her thoughts. Due to such clarity in her thoughts she could stand strong and give necessary confidence and courage to everyone during the 18 days of war.

The 90s was an era where Indians grew up with a good dose of family based Bollywood movies that influenced young minds. Maine Pyar Kiya was a block buster but sent a wrong message to the public that a boy and a girl can never be friends. Families laid strict restrictions on friendship with persons of the opposite gender. The 90s was also the generation where the need for friends of the opposite gender was felt very less as in Indian families siblings, cousins and sisters in law and brothers in law were very close to each other and all could easily reach out to one another as the need would arise. So, the issues of mental health were minimum and talk therapy helped everyone (some of you may remember the reliance ad which was based on the free advice Indians offered each other). Feeling of loneliness was hardly ever discussed because it was not much of an issue.

With the breaking down of joint families and increase in the number of single kids in the society, it is essential that one reaches out to friends of both genders equally. It is a myth that there can be no platonic friendship between man and women. When there is something beyond friendship in a relationship one must prioritize and decide if the friendship is more important or taking it to a different level and jeopardizing the friendship should be risked. The current generation understands this better than the previous generations did, and maintain very healthy relationship with their classmates irrespective of gender. In fact most never give it a thought about the gender of the person they are connecting with because the PERSON is important and not his/her gender. Watching youngsters mingle freely with each other without any inhibitions or restrictions is reassuring that we are certainly moving towards being a better society.

Some people are lucky to marry their friend and some become friends with their spouse. In both the situations the individuals concerned have a healthy relationship which is essential to overcome mental health issues. But for women only having women friends and men having only men as friends is not enough. One must cultivate pure friendship with people of the opposite gender too, whatever be the age. The reason for doing so is to get a perspective from their side too. It is a known fact that men open up more with women on sensitive issues which they may not feel comfortable discussing with their male friends. Similarly women like to reach out to men friends to get a better understanding of the behavior of their spouses or on several other topics. Moreover, one may have certain interests which their spouse does not have but a male/female friend has so, one can discuss the same with the friend for eg: reading, movies, cooking, photography, gardening etc. It is foolish for us to believe that a spouse would be an all rounder and fulfil all roles. This leads to unrealistic expectations and sours many relationships.

True friendship between people should be above caste, creed, economic status, age and gender. Labelling every relationship is also not necessary. Cherishing the purity of friendship, developing deep friendship based on trust, a relationship where one can speak without fear of being judged or rejected is what is essential. Friendship isn't a big thing but its a million little things, and every girl needs a male bestie and every boy needs a female bestie.